It's Still A Toy
by Lady-Anon-x
Summary: Dominic says his last words to Arthur before he passes. One last declaration and a goodbye.


"When you think about the future you think about all those things that you can do to make you happier. But when you think about what has shaped you, what has made you the person you are today, you need to remember how lucky you are that all that has happened, has lead to this."

Dom thought about his own words. He already can think of the one main thing that he could do to make himself happier, but he has to let that thing go. The reason was because it was his best friend, one of the most important people in his life who has made him the person he was today. The man Dom secretly admired and also secretly loved.

He has loved Arthur for a long time, Dom loved him even more when Arthur stood up to do karaoke with him, when they kissed it set Doms heart on fire and sent butterflies through his stomach.

But now? Arthur has cancer, secondaries. He had come to Dom for help, and Dom almost fell apart. Months they said. Only months left to spend with someone he held so dearly.

Essie walked in a moment later. A grave look on her face.

"Dom... it's Arthur." His face fell. _Arthur?_

"Dom, you need to come with me." He followed her out into the hall. "Essie? What's happened? What's happened to Arthur?!" "He's been taken into theatre..." Doms heart stopped. _What..._

"... All I know is that he was taken into theatre with Sacha and Mr Griffin."

The get up to the ward and Mr Griffin and Sacha are standing outside one of the private rooms. He ran towards them. "Please." that was all they said to them.  
Sacha spoke first, "I am so sorry, Dom. There was nothing we could do."

 _No.. no no no no NO NO!_

"Where is he?!" he yelled at them. Mr Griffin took a step back and pushed open the door, "Through here, Dr Copeland. He's conscience but..."

 _He'll never wake up..._ The words were left unsaid.

Dom walked into the room and his heart leapt into his throat. There was a rhythmic beeping which filled the room. There lay Arthur, his arms by his sides, pale. Doms legs felt like jelly, as if he were about to collapse at any moment. "Hey, Diggers." he could feel the tears stinging his eyes as he tried to push them back as he walked further into the room, "What are you playing at, eh? Making us all go crazy with worry." he tried a smile.

 _God what do I say..._

Sacha walked up behind him, "Do you mind if I...?" Dom shook his head, "Of course not." Sacha walked around to the opposite side of the bed, and took Arthur's hand in both of his. "Arthur, I am so so sorry. I-" his voice was breaking, the tears were falling freely down his face. "- If this is my last chance, I just want to say that you were amazing. You know how I hate goodbyes." He placed a hand over Arthur's forehead and closed his eyes. "I'll leave you alone to say your goodbyes Dom." Dom couldn't meet his eyes and just stared at the heart monitor, trying desperately to keep the tears at bay.

Once the door closed he couldn't keep it in any more and the tears began falling down his face. He took hold of Arthur's hand, rubbing his eyes with the other. "Diggers, you know I'm not good with all that emotions stuff. Now look at me. Crying like an idiot." he inhaled sharply. _I need to tell him. I love you Arthur. No, out loud.  
_ "Diggers, there's something I've been wanting to tell you, for a while now... and I guess I've been too scared to say anything because, well, you had Morven and I was happy enough to be the best friend." _God just say it! Say it!_ "The truth is, Arthur, that I... um..." he hiccuped "OK, just going to come out with it..." he looked at Arthur's face, taking in all of his features, his heat was drumming loudly in his ears. "... I love you, Diggers and I don't know why I didn't say it sooner."

That was the final straw. His legs gave out and he collapsed on the floor, still clutching Arthur's hand, he couldn't stop the tears and couldn't stop the words. "Diggers please... wake up... I love you... God I'm an idiot for not saying it sooner...Diggers who's going to shout at me and keep me in line." His heart was aching. "Please, Diggers, don't leave me like this!"

He wasn't sure how long he was kneeling beside Arthur's bed until Sacha came back in. "Dom, I'm so sorry." Dominic quickly stood up, mindful of Arthur's hand and wiped his cheeks. "It's fine." "Morven is on her way..." Dom folded his arms, "Of course, I'll wait with him until she gets here." he hated how his voice sounded so shaky. "Of course." Was the only reply he got and Sacha walked back out.

He turned his attention back to Arthur, "It will be scary for you, Diggers, and you may be afraid but we will all be here with you. You can still have courage and be afraid." He bent down and kissed Arthur's cheek. Dom pulled back and straightened, the door swung open, Doms head whipped around to see Morven was there. He gave her a weak smile as she came to him. _She loves him so much._

He puts on Arthur's music, and stepped back to stand with Hanssen. He can't focus on the words Morven is saying, his heart is still beating wildly. The others have now come in, standing watching from the doorway.  
Morven stands and places Arthur's Grandfathers badges on his chest. The others now fill the room. It's too crowded and Dom can barely breathe. The rhythm is changing on the monitor, getting slower, and slower. The beating of his heart... failing... the beats are getting further and further apart.

"I'll walk you home, Arthur."

The sudden beeping and then... flat line.

 _Gone._

He's just holding back the tears and he feels Mr Griffin put his hand on his shoulder. _No... no get out Dom! Get out now!_ He shrugs off the hand and shoves a path through the people out into the ward, he doesn't know where to go. The tears are threatening to fall as he runs a hand through his hair. He can feel eyes on him so he runs and keeps on running. He runs through one of the doors which leads him to the staircase, so he runs up them, two at a time. _Air. I need air!_

Dom bursts through the door to the roof, staggering in his steps as he gulps in the fresh air. The chilly air is hitting his skin but he doesn't care. Both of his hands are in his hair, pulling, drying desperately to gravitate himself. He can't breathe, he can't think _._ He stumbles for a bit before falling to his knees on the ground bent over, crying hard. _He's gone. Dead._ Dom punches the ground letting out a scream of emotional and physical pain, he knows his knuckles are bleeding but he doesn't care, he keeps punching the stones and crying out.

In the back of his mind he can hear stones crunching behind him, someone's running towards him. Dom then feels hands on his arms, gripping tightly. There are words but he can't make sense of them so he tries to pull away from the grip but he can't. Dom looks up, his vision bleary from the tears, it's Sacha. Sacha tries to pull Dom closer to him but Dom fights him, pushing his arms back and forth to get away. "Dom. Dom stop. It's OK." Dom tires from fighting, so Sacha pulls him into his chest. Dom buries his head into his chest and cries and yells and sometimes slams his hand half heartedly against Sacha's chest. Sacha just holds Dom as tight as he can.

"It's not OK Sacha! It's not!" Dom was muttering something Sacha couldn't make out, "What do you mean?" Dom pulls away and looks at Sacha, his throat scratched, his eyes puffy and swollen and his cheeks red. "I loved him, Sacha. I loved him so much and..." the tears started streaming down his face again "...he didn't know. I never told him until he was... lying there." "I know, Dom. I know." Sacha sat back onto the ground, Dom sat beside him shivering. Sacha quickly unzipped his hoodie and wrapped it around Dom's shoulders before wrapping a protective arm around him, letting Dom place his head on his shoulder.

Dom felt something poking at his side. He reached his free hand into his pocket and lifted out the soldier figurine. _It's a toy but Arthur always insisted that he called them figurines._ He closes his hand around the toy, places his fist over his heart, takes a deep breath and whispers...

"I love you, Arthur and I don't care, it's still a toy."


End file.
